Dear 16 year old Shanda,

{Day 4 of the 30 for 30 challenge}

It's your Junior year. Treasure it. This will be a very very good year. you think you're going through a pretty hard time, but in the long run, all your problems work themselves out, so don't stress! Also, Please stop worrying about your weight so much. You are doing some pretty harsh things to your body, and its really not worth it. 

This year, you will learn a million things about life from two very specific boys, (I think you know exactly who I am talking about.) Enjoy the time with them, and don't stress about the drama, because once high school is over, you'll all wish you had spent more time having fun, and less time worrying. 

You should also spend a little more time worrying about school this year. you've got some tough classes, but you will learn a lot from them if you take the time! 

Drama is overrated. some people don't like you, you don't like some people, but who cares? get over it and move on! everybody is your friend, whether they like it or not! (your big brother will actually give you that advice next year... but you'll wish someone had told you sooner, so, here i am to tell you that!) 

You're going to have a major falling out with your best friend this year... we're talking major. there will be lots of tears involved, and you will take it very personally... try your hardest not to. she is dealing with a lot of the same problems you are, and it will get to both of you in different ways. Just realize that in the end, things will work out, and you'll get over it. its not worth the hours you will spend overanalyzing the situation. 

Right now, relationships seem to be all anybody cares about. Date, have fun, even kiss a few boys ;) get attached, even though everyone will tell you not to. because the two boys you'll get attached to in the next few years will be the two i told you about earlier. You will find out who you really are. then, when its time for things to be over with them, be grateful for the time you had, and move on with your life. In a few years, an amazing guy will come along and you will be so happy you learned how to be yourself in a relationship beforehand. 

BE YOU! lots of people are going to try and tell you who you should be. don't listen to them. be who you want to, do the things you love to do, wear what you want. even if you get funny looks for it! being yourself is one of the best things you can do for yourself right now!

You have some major decisions to make this year and next year. The decisions you already know you have to make (college, etc) don't procrastinate them! make the choice right now, and go with your first instinct! because it will turn out to be right! There will be some other decisions that will be surprises to you, and i'm going to make this easy for you. you will know what i'm talking about when the time comes.  GO WITH YOUR FIRST INSTINCT!!!! always. you've got pretty good intuition, follow it! stop second guessing yourself! you're smarter than you give yourself credit for.

don't forget to love yourself, always. remember, life is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured!

love, 21 year old you. 

P.S. oh, and this year, you're going to meet a really cute missionary in california on choir tour....  PAY ATTENTION! he's a cutie. and he'll come back into your life soon, and be pretty dang significant! :P (oh, and when your best friend tries to get you to go on a blind date in a few years, do me a favor, and don't fight her on it this time ;) I would be really happy if you'd do that for me!) 

three Legitimate fears, and how I got that way.

{Day 2 of the 30 for 30 challenge}

Fear one: Clowns.

The vast majority of my fears stem from the nightmares I have been plagued with my entire life. When I was about 6, I started having a recurring nightmare that I was stuck in a wooden maze, being chased by a psychotic clown on a tricycle. 

I mean honestly, how could anyone not be terrified of that thing?!

the maze was one that i'd think I found a way out, and suddenly a board would slide down, blocking my way, and I'd have to turn around. 

yeah... messed up dream for a 6 year old.

I still get sweaty palms whenever clowns are around. at a princess party we did last week, there was a clown making balloon animals, and I just about lost it. 

Fear two: The Dark.

I know, I know... I'm still afraid of the dark. Its a little bit ridiculous. 

I can't sleep if its completely pitch black.  which is going to cause a problem when Shad and I are married, because he can't sleep unless it IS completely pitch black.

but I guess by then I'll have someone there to keep me from the monsters in my closet ;) 

Fear three: ghosts.

I have an absolutely paralyzing fear of anything that might be haunted. Maybe I've seen to many scary movies, or watched too many episodes of "The Worlds Most Haunted Places". I do believe in ghosts, and I believe that there are some that are here just because, and others that are here for bad reasons. 

I have never actually witnessed a ghost or anything like that, but I know people who have. Just ask Shad about the house he used to live in. Just the stories they have of that house give me the Heebie Jeebies.  I have been in a room when an EVP (Electronic Voice Phenomenon) was recorded.  It was the scariest thing I have ever done in my life. Not to mention the recording was fairly hostile... I was just sure I was going to die at any moment. 

never ever again. 

So there you have it. my three worst (somewhat legitimate) fears. 

20 Random Facts (and gratuitous Instagram Spam!)

{Day 1 of the 30 for 30 challenge}

1. Pink is my favorite color

2. I am getting married in 65 days!

3. I am going into Radiology to be an ultrasound technician. Yay babies!

4. I don't care who you are, Chocolate Soymilk is the best thing in the world.

5. I am an Instagram-a-holic. (Follow me! @whatshananigans)

6. I have always dreamed of being a clothing designer

7. I graduated in Cosmetology in 2010 with a 97% state board score. making people pretty is my favorite thing to do!

8. I am distracted by ANYTHING sparkly.

9. I have a strange obsession with the color Pantone #178 C (Aka emberglow... also a brighter version of the color of my blog right now.)

10. I am also a Pinterest addict. (follow me! @whatshananigans)

11. I love big cities. I spent a week and a half in NYC at columbia University, and it was enough to make me want to move there forever.

12. Paris is number one on my bucket list

13. I am a ballet teacher, and love every minute of it.

14. I have a tendency to get really tunnel visioned...

15. But I also have ADD. (but i like to call it ADOS. Attention Defecit... OOH SHINY!)

16. I have never been camping. (except Girls Camp, and that doesn't count.)

17. I am told at least once a week that I look like a disney princess. But always different princesses.

18. I have so many "passions" I don't think you could even call them passions anymore.

19. I have a HUGE problem with racism, judgement, prejudice, etc.  HUGE problem. Just because someone doesn't look, act, or believe the way you think they should, it doesn't mean God doesn't still love them. and If God loves them, so should you. we all have faults. Get over it.

20. Disneyland truly is the happiest place on earth. If I could live there, I would. 

30 for 30 Challenge

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.

2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

3. Describe your relationship with your parents.

4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.

5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

7. What is your dream job, and why?

8. What are 5 passions you have?

9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.

10. Describe your most embarrasing moment.

11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.12. Describe a typical day in your current life.

13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.

14. Describe 5 strengths you have.

15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?

16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?

17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?

18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?

19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.

21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?

22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?

23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.

24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.

25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?

26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?

27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?

28. What is your love language?

29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?

30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.